Episode 1: A day in the life of Leroy, The Leeds Mountaineer

Dawn is yet to crack, and Leroy is up and raring to go, because today is the day that he is going to climb Mount Leeds. Having proclaimed himself The Leeds Mountaineer, this is something he simply has to do. After all, who would take seriously a Mountaineer who hadn’t scaled their namesake peak? So Leroy gets out his maps and compasses, stares lovingly at them for a while, then types “Leeds Mount” into his phone.

There it is! Brudenell Mount, only one and a half miles away by pony trap. He clambers aboard his faithful steed Royston, and off they trot. A few short minutes later, Brudenell Mount is in sight. But what’s this? The street looks exactly the same as any other, surrounded as it is by Brudenell Grove, Brudenell Street, Brudenell Avenue, Back Brudenell Mount…..and it’s not even at the top of the hill! Something has gone horribly wrong here. After a swift refreshment stop and a bag of rainbow carrots for Royston (who picks out the purple ones and glares accusingly at the rest) Leroy is back on the road. This must have been the wrong Mount. Green Hill Mount in Upper Armley looks much more promising.

With some steady uphill plodding, Green Hill Mount is conquered. But again, it doesn’t feel quite right. Surely this isn’t momentous enough to be the summit of the renowned Mount Leeds? Out comes the phone again, and this time Leroy notices there seem to be Mounts all over the shop. Which is the right one? How about ‘Mount St Mary’s of the High School, an Education fit for God’s Own Country.’ That sounds suitably important, it must be the one.

As they draw near to their destination, a confused Leroy spots Mary, teaching a gaggle of schoolkids how to lob insults at passing travellers.

“Where’s your wheels, donkey boy?”

“I’m looking for Mount Leeds, do you know where to find it?”

“Yer what mate?”

“Mount Leeds, you know, the whatsit called, the Elmet peak, the summat of owls.”

“Never heard of it, are you sure its really a thing?”

And suddenly Leroy realises, perhaps Mount Leeds isn’t a place at all. Perhaps it’s a state of mind. There and then he decides to make it his personal mission to strive to reach this hallowed turf. Take note, Leeds. Leroy is on his way.